Workplace Bullying Survival Guide: Part Two

Speaking Up Safely

A lot of people freeze when they feel intimidated or bullied. Having a simple phrase ready beforehand can make it easier to respond when your mind goes blank.

If direct confrontation feels difficult, you can focus on the effect of the behaviour rather than attacking the person.

For example:

“When you speak to me in that tone, it makes it hard for me to continue this conversation,”

Or:

“I’m not comfortable continuing this conversation right now.”

If you are being ignored, interrupted or repeatedly spoken over, you can also use very simple phrases:

“I’d like to finish my point.”

“Can I come back to what I was saying?”

“I’m not sure I’ve been heard.”

These may seem like small statements, but they can be powerful when you have become accustomed to staying quiet to keep the peace.

As I say to my clients, you are allowed to ask for respectful communication. You do not have to apologise for expecting to be treated appropriately at work.

And you are entitled to make it clear what you will and won’t participate in.

If you’ve had a difficult conversation, following up in writing can help create a clear record of what was discussed.

This can be particularly important when you are concerned that details may later be changed, denied or misrepresented.

You don’t need to write an emotional account of everything that happened. A short, factual email is often enough.

For example:

“Just confirming our conversation earlier today and the key points we discussed.”

Or:

“I’m following up in writing to confirm what was agreed.”

Good record-keeping can become particularly valuable if you later need to demonstrate a pattern of behaviour or explain what has happened to someone else.

If you need to raise concerns about bullying or disrespectful behaviour, timing can make a real difference.

The right moment is usually one where you feel calm enough to stay clear, firm and brief.

That might mean waiting until:

• you’ve had a moment to collect yourself
• you’re no longer feeling highly emotional or panicked
• you have enough privacy to speak without an audience
• you’ve thought through what you actually want to say
• you aren’t being rushed, cornered or repeatedly interrupted

This is particularly important if you have been feeling ignored, overlooked or repeatedly spoken over.

In the moment, a simple phrase such as “I’d like to finish my point” may be all you need.

If the moment has passed, you may decide that raising the issue later will allow you to explain what happened more clearly.

You don’t have to respond instantly simply because someone has put you under pressure.

Sometimes giving yourself time to think is one of the most effective ways of taking back a little control.

Where appropriate, keep important conversations in writing.

Email gives you time to think before responding and creates a record of what was actually said or agreed. This can be especially useful if you are dealing with someone who tends to deny, twist or reframe conversations afterwards.

Helpful habits include:

• confirming important verbal conversations in writing
• keeping your wording brief and factual
• saving copies of important messages
• responding to the issue rather than getting drawn into emotional exchanges
• keeping records somewhere you can access them appropriately

Written communication can also help you regain a sense of control if you tend to become flustered during difficult conversations.

Instead of having to respond immediately, you have an opportunity to pause, think and choose your words.

Where appropriate, having another person present in a meeting or difficult conversation can help you feel more supported and can reduce the risk of your words being misunderstood or misrepresented.

A witness may be particularly helpful when:

• the issue is sensitive
• you have previously been dismissed or interrupted
• the person has denied previous conversations
• you feel intimidated about being alone with the person
• you are preparing for an important meeting

Of course you don’t need to involve another person in every interaction. Think strategically about when having someone there would genuinely help you.

Workplace bullying can affect far more than your working day.

You may notice changes in your sleep, concentration, confidence, energy, mood or ability to switch off after work. You might find yourself thinking about the situation at night or becoming increasingly anxious about going to work.

Repeated exposure to stressful workplace behaviour can have a significant impact on psychological and physical wellbeing. WorkSafe Queensland identifies workplace bullying as a psychosocial hazard and notes that its effects can include distress, disturbed sleep, fatigue, loss of self-confidence, isolation and difficulties with concentration and decision-making.

So protecting yourself also means paying attention to what is happening to you.

You might:

• take proper breaks away from your desk
• step outside for a reset
• talk things through with someone you trust
• prioritise sleep, food and movement
• create space between work and home where possible
• seek additional support if you are struggling to cope

It is easy to put your own needs last when you are trying to survive a difficult workplace.

But the more depleted you become, the harder it can be to think clearly, make decisions and respond strategically.

If you are dealing with someone whose behaviour repeatedly leaves you questioning yourself, it is understandable that you may start wondering whether there is more going on than simply having a difficult boss or colleague.

Certain patterns of behaviour can be particularly undermining, including manipulation, blame-shifting, intimidation, denial and attempts to undermine your confidence.

That doesn’t mean every workplace bully is a narcissist, and it isn’t possible to diagnose someone simply from their behaviour at work.

But understanding narcissistic abuse patterns can help you recognise what may be happening to your confidence and sense of self.

In my narcissistic abuse blog and quiz, you’ll learn about:

• common behaviours narcissistic bosses and colleagues may use to control or undermine others
• warning signs that the situation may involve more than a difficult personality
• why these patterns can leave you doubting yourself and losing confidence

If you recognise yourself in these patterns, understanding what is happening can be an important first step towards rebuilding your confidence and trusting your own judgement again.

Start by reading your workplace’s bullying or complaints policy so you know what steps are available to you. Policies often explain who to report to, what information to include, what support options may be available, and how the complaint will usually be handled.

Understanding the policy can make the whole situation feel less vague. It also helps you speak up with more confidence because you know what the workplace expects and what you can reasonably ask for.

If you decide to make a complaint, focus on facts, dates, examples and evidence.

Try to explain:

• what happened
• when it happened
• who was involved
• who witnessed it
• what you did in response
• what impact the behaviour had
• what evidence you have

It is understandable to feel emotional when you are finally telling someone what has been happening. But when you are making a formal report, clarity matters.

A report that is organised and specific is easier for another person to understand and act on than one that contains a great deal of emotion but few concrete details.

Keep copies of what you submit and what you receive back.

That may include:

• emails
• complaint forms
• responses
• screenshots
• meeting notes
• relevant correspondence
• records of important conversations

Keep everything organised in one place where appropriate and lawful to do so.

This can help you track:

• what you reported
• when you reported it
• what response you received
• whether the behaviour continued
• whether the situation was escalated

It can also be invaluable if you need to explain the history of the situation to someone who wasn’t there.

If the issue isn’t handled appropriately, you may need to consider the next formal or external step.

Depending on your circumstances, that could involve a manager, HR, a workplace representative, union, relevant workplace authority or legal professional.

The appropriate pathway depends on your situation, your workplace and where you are located, so don’t assume that someone else’s experience will necessarily be the right process for you.

If the process stalls, your concerns are dismissed or the behaviour continues, you may need to consider what your next option is.

If you are unsure about your legal rights or obligations, seek advice from an appropriately qualified employment or workplace professional.

Trusted colleagues can help you feel less isolated and more supported. You might approach them and say,

“I’m dealing with something difficult at work. Could I talk it through with you?”

Or:

“If you notice anything, I’d really value your support.”

It is not necessary to tell everyone at work what is happening. One or two trustworthy people can make a significant difference.

If someone has seen what happened, you may want to ask whether they would be comfortable making a note of what they witnessed.

Keep the request simple and without pressure:

“Would you be happy to write down what you saw?”

Don’t pressure someone to provide a statement that supports your version of events. What matters is an accurate account of what they personally witnessed.

Sometimes you need advice from someone outside the immediate workplace.

Depending on your circumstances, this could include a union representative, HR professional, workplace adviser, employment lawyer or relevant government body.

If you’re in Australia, the Fair Work Ombudsman is a useful starting point for understanding workplace bullying and possible avenues for help.

If you’re in Queensland, WorkSafe Queensland also provides information about workplace bullying and psychosocial hazards at work.

These resources can help you understand the formal side of the situation.

Don’t underestimate the value of having good people around you. Friends, family, or a coach can provide a different kind of support – particularly when work has started affecting your confidence and your ability to trust your own judgement.

Coaching isn’t a substitute for legal advice, workplace investigation or psychological treatment when those things are needed. But what coaching can provide is an independent space to step back from the situation, untangle what is happening, rebuild your confidence and work out what you want to do next.

If workplace bullying has left you feeling stuck, overwhelmed or unsure of yourself, I can help you.

If you’d like an independent and confidential space to talk through your situation and explore your options, you can book a free Clarity Call with me to see whether coaching could help.

In Part Three of the Workplace Bullying Survival Guide, we’ll look at what to do once you’ve recognised what’s happening and started protecting yourself.

You’ll learn how to:

• respond strategically rather than getting drawn into every difficult interaction
• prepare for important conversations
• decide which situations need your attention
• protect your wellbeing when workplace stress starts affecting your confidence
• regain perspective and make decisions about what you want to do next

If workplace bullying has left you feeling like you’re constantly reacting, Part Three will help you step back, think more strategically and start taking back some control.