Workplace Bullying Survival Guide: Part One
Workplace bullying can affect far more than your job. Over time, it can chip away at your confidence, leave you second-guessing yourself, make you dread going to work, and have you questioning things you never used to question.
I've worked with many people experiencing workplace bullying, from employees and managers through to senior leaders. One of the most common things I hear is, "I know something isn't right, but I don't know what to do next." When you're in the middle of it, it can be difficult to think clearly, know what to document, or understand your options.
This article is Part One of my Workplace Bullying Survival Guide series. Throughout this series, I'll walk you through practical steps you can take if you're experiencing workplace bullying, workplace harassment, a toxic workplace culture, or other forms of workplace misconduct.
If you'd rather watch than read, you'll also find the accompanying videos throughout the article. In this first part you will learn,
- How to start documenting your case
- Why awareness matters more than you might think
- How understanding what's happening can help you make better decisions moving forward
So, how do you document everything when the incidents are spread across weeks or months?
How to Start Building Your Case
One of the most important things you can do is build a clear record of what is happening. When behaviour is repeated, denied, minimised, or twisted later, details matter. A good record helps you trust your own memory, see the pattern more clearly, and explain what has been happening in a way that makes sense to other people.
Step One: Document everything
Start by journaling what happens as soon as you can. Create an incident log by writing down the date, time, location, who was there, what was said, what was done, and how it affected you. The more specific your notes are, the more useful they become later. Even if something feels small in the moment, it can matter a great deal once a pattern starts to emerge.
A dated record is especially helpful because bullying is often gradual. It may not be one dramatic event, but a series of comments, behaviours, exclusions, or undermining actions that build over time. When you document each incident, you are creating a clearer picture of the environment you are dealing with.
Step Two : Collate the Evidence
Once you start documenting, gather any other proof that supports what you are seeing. Save emails, texts, screenshots, meeting notes, performance reviews, and any other written material that shows the behaviour or gives context to it. Keep everything in one safe place so you can find it easily if you need it later.
Organisation matters here. When your evidence is spread across different devices, inboxes, or notebooks, it becomes much harder to use and refer to. But when everything is together, it is much easier to explain what has been happening and show the sequence of events. A well-organised folder of evidence can make a stressful situation feel much more manageable.
Step Three : Create a Timeline
After you have documented the incidents and gathered the evidence, put everything into date order so you can create a timeline. Your timeline will help you see what happened first, what came next, and how the behaviour developed over time. As a Life Coach, clients have told me they found this helpful at clarifying what felt like a confusing situation. What seemed like a jumble of separate incidents revealed clear patterns.
A timeline also helps when you need to explain the issue to someone else. It gives your account structure and makes it simple for another person to follow. Instead of trying to remember everything in the heat of the moment, you have a clear record that shows the sequence, the repetition, and the impact.
These three steps will help you to "Be clear. Be calm. Be strong."
How to Recognise Workplace Bullying and Spot the Patterns
This section is about recognising what workplace bullying is, spotting the pattern behind it, and noticing the impact it is having on you. Clarity is often the first step toward confidence, because when you can name what is happening, the next step for what to do next becomes a lot clearer.
Step One: Define
According to Fair Work OMBUDSMAN, Workplace bullying can take many forms. It might involve workplace harassment, aggressive or intimidating behaviour, repeated humiliation, deliberate exclusion, or a pattern of conduct that undermines your confidence and ability to do your job.
Not every disagreement at work is bullying. Not every difficult manager is a bully. And not every uncomfortable conversation means something inappropriate has happened. For example, a manager giving you fair feedback, setting reasonable expectations, or addressing a genuine performance issue is not bullying you, even if it's uncomfortable to hear.
Workplace bullying is more likely to look like:
- repeated humiliation
- being deliberately excluded
- being set up to fail
- having your work constantly undermined
Or being treated in a way that leaves you feeling anxious, distressed, or questioning yourself.
Over time, it can affect your confidence, your wellbeing, and your ability to do your job.
If you're not sure what you're experiencing, then take some time to review your workplace policies and your local work health and safety guidance. The clearer you are about what bullying is, the easier it becomes to recognize it, trust your judgement, and respond with confidence.
Step Two: Identify patterns
Bullying is about patterns of behaviour. While it is tempting to focus on isolated moments, repeated behavioural patterns that will tell you more about what is really going on. Once you can see the pattern, you'll be able to stop minimising the behaviour and start dealing with it in a more grounded way.
Patterns may show up as things like:
- unjustified or constant criticism.
- aggressive or intimidating behaviour.
- belittling or humiliating comments.
- undermining, eye rolling, dismissive body language, or public correction.
- unreasonable demands, being deliberately overworked, or being deliberately underutilised.
- withholding information needed to do your job properly.
- deliberate exclusion from meetings, conversations, or workplace activities.
A useful way to think about it is this: bullying can happen through what is said, what is done, and even what is withheld on a repeated basis.
Step Three: Impact check on the effects of workplace bullying
It is also important to pay attention to how the behaviour is affecting you. Are you are feeling any of these:
- more stressed.
- less confident.
- more anxious
- more tired
- simply not yourself?
- Or are you experiencing imposter syndrome. That self-doubt and a constant feeling that you are not good enough.
- deliberate exclusion from meetings, conversations, or workplace activities.
These can all be signs that something is wrong, even if the bully's behaviour is being downplayed by others. Start noting all the ways that bullying is affecting your ability to work, your mental and physical health.
Do you suspect your bully is a narcissist?
If you suspect your bully is a narcissist or you’re dealing with a toxic boss, check out my narcissistic abuse blog and quiz!
You’ll learn:
- Common behaviours narcissistic bosses and colleagues use to control or undermine others
- The warning signs that you’re dealing with more than just a difficult personality
- Why narcissistic abuse can leave you doubting yourself and losing confidence
Understanding some of the common patterns and the impact they can have on your confidence.
Coming up in Part Two:
There's a good chance you've spent a lot of time wondering, "Is it really that bad, or is it just me?" That's one of the reasons bullying can be so damaging. It affects your confidence and makes you question your own judgement. That's why taking the time to document what's happening and look for the pattern is so important. It will help you see the situation more clearly and trust yourself again.
In Part Two of the Workplace Bullying Survival Guide, we'll look at what to do once you've recognised the problem. We'll cover:
- How to speak up effectively
- Ways to protect yourself while you're still in the workplace
- How to use workplace policies and formal processes to your advantage
- Why building the right support network around you can make all the difference.
Getting Support
If workplace bullying has left you doubting yourself, avoiding opportunities, or feeling like you've lost the confidence you once had, I'm here for you. My free Clarity Call can help you explore the next step and what would make the biggest difference in helping you rebuild your confidence and move forward.
